I am on a roll whoop dee dooo!!!!! More rambling now... WHat do I talk about?
What would it take for me to write an epic like the Game of thrones. Tons of pages of a fictional story coming out my ass even though I know nothing about anything. I have not seena single episode of the series, but I have seen every nude scene than has featured in them Har Har!
Hmm... Lets say I make 6 prominent families in country. Lets say these country is never going to be attacked by any other country. I could make another country attack , but then it would be ridiculously complicated.
Boom!
Lets fuckin begin "The six Factions" Ya let me name this story that ok.... Rambling style...I type non stop without bothering to think...lets see what turns up.
6 familiies
Family A - Abdare Family... consisting of one king and a queen, 2 sons, 2 daughters all unmarried...marriageable ages...looking toget married and lets complicate the family...say each one of the 4 wants to rule their kingdom, there is infighting bitching blah blah, lets make this one separate story... This family rarely engages with the other 5 as they have enough to do within themselves....cool!
Family B - Bouzaki Family
One king, two queens, each queen has a son and a daughter. All four want to rule the kingdom, but they will wait patiently for their turn, honing their skills the prove themselves in front of their king. The kingdom wants to expand.. They are sending spies everywhere... Interesting..
Family C - Chardhel Family
One King, one queen, two sons, both really brotherly, eldest to succeed the king and get onto the throne, the younger one swears to help the elder run the affairs. All cool! Yea? No.... The younger falls in love with a commoner, he revolts against the king and the brother and moves out of the kingdom into uncharted territories along with his faithful followers. He meets some nomadic tribes and binds them together to form a formidable force, a threat... which I will use sometime later.. WIll the younger join forces will the elder, WIll he challenge his father/brother? Will he attack another family altogether? I dont know yet...
Family D - Devgud Family
Ok Now I am tired, will edit this post later... This family will be the most powerful f all them only because .... I dont know yet.. Maybe they have tamed lions and tigers..? Will think of something, hmm..maybe they have mastered the dark arts, black magic and such, Something which gives them an advantage but not unbeatable.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Rambling in the Brainz-2
Lets see whats comes out in my second attempt.Its not like I am smart and have a bucket full of topics to talk about.
Why are we on this earth? What are we doing here? Do we have a purpose? I dont know... SHould I care? Well! If someone had found it out by now we would have all known wouldnt we? I mean is some superior being placed us here to do something, but those beings got lost in space and couldnt find their way backand the reason for our existence here got lost in translation through the ages then.... what can I do huh? What can I do? lol... seems like a decent plot for a movie...maybe be may be not...
What if say...we existed in another universe and some of us were brought to earth to start a civilization here. We were given some means of communication to communicate with our...say Main Base (MB) team, to tell them of our progress, about how rich the planet is in minerals, resources, food, water, etc, whatever. Say the MB team after sometime decided to place a marker on out plant go back to the original universe and get back more people to inhabit the earth. Say, some catastrophe happens to the MB team, they are killed, destroyed or if we decide to not kill them off, say one of the scientists make some elementary error and they lose the signal to eart and never can find them back.
Meanwhile the resident population on earth decided to explore the planet. They made teams...lol... chinese looking people explore china, indian looking people explore india.. caucasians explore europe, african explore africa etc...And then maybe some catastrophe befalls earth and these guys lose communication with each other ok? And then they are separated.
Their resources from their original planet get withered and lost as time progresses. Imagine ur hovercraft stops functioning because it has no more fuel. You cant communicate with the other teams as your batteries discharge. Natural calamities occur and your technologies are lost to you and you restart your life from zero. You know... with sex...bonking each other and making lots of babies and families and growing as a community.
SO all these races develop in various corners of the earth independently, they progress depending on the IQ of the team leader. The knowledge passed on generation to generation until more tragedies ruin knowledge (books etc) and we lose all link to out beginning.
Hmm... WOuld anyone make a story on this? I doubt it.. Maybe a telelvision series of sorts... "Game of Races" Whatever..
Then how would you explain aliens.?
Imagine in a a much later future from our original planet, someone finally cracks the code, finds out where earth is, finds out where the inhabitant were left behind. They come back here, say, centuries later and then land in Roswell. Their spaceship crashes, one man manages to survive and is taken captive by the US government. This amn (alien) then proceeds to tell the AMerican a few technological advances. Then sprouts the incredible technological leaps we have witness in the past century, from atom bombs, to computers, to internet, to God knows what not is still to come.
Maybe as we progress technologically a day will come when we will be finally be able to gain the technical know how to travel in between solar systems. Then will we will be finally able to visit our origin planet.
Sigh!
Good typing binge this one... A nice story ahs come out of it ...lol....
Why are we on this earth? What are we doing here? Do we have a purpose? I dont know... SHould I care? Well! If someone had found it out by now we would have all known wouldnt we? I mean is some superior being placed us here to do something, but those beings got lost in space and couldnt find their way backand the reason for our existence here got lost in translation through the ages then.... what can I do huh? What can I do? lol... seems like a decent plot for a movie...maybe be may be not...
What if say...we existed in another universe and some of us were brought to earth to start a civilization here. We were given some means of communication to communicate with our...say Main Base (MB) team, to tell them of our progress, about how rich the planet is in minerals, resources, food, water, etc, whatever. Say the MB team after sometime decided to place a marker on out plant go back to the original universe and get back more people to inhabit the earth. Say, some catastrophe happens to the MB team, they are killed, destroyed or if we decide to not kill them off, say one of the scientists make some elementary error and they lose the signal to eart and never can find them back.
Meanwhile the resident population on earth decided to explore the planet. They made teams...lol... chinese looking people explore china, indian looking people explore india.. caucasians explore europe, african explore africa etc...And then maybe some catastrophe befalls earth and these guys lose communication with each other ok? And then they are separated.
Their resources from their original planet get withered and lost as time progresses. Imagine ur hovercraft stops functioning because it has no more fuel. You cant communicate with the other teams as your batteries discharge. Natural calamities occur and your technologies are lost to you and you restart your life from zero. You know... with sex...bonking each other and making lots of babies and families and growing as a community.
SO all these races develop in various corners of the earth independently, they progress depending on the IQ of the team leader. The knowledge passed on generation to generation until more tragedies ruin knowledge (books etc) and we lose all link to out beginning.
Hmm... WOuld anyone make a story on this? I doubt it.. Maybe a telelvision series of sorts... "Game of Races" Whatever..
Then how would you explain aliens.?
Imagine in a a much later future from our original planet, someone finally cracks the code, finds out where earth is, finds out where the inhabitant were left behind. They come back here, say, centuries later and then land in Roswell. Their spaceship crashes, one man manages to survive and is taken captive by the US government. This amn (alien) then proceeds to tell the AMerican a few technological advances. Then sprouts the incredible technological leaps we have witness in the past century, from atom bombs, to computers, to internet, to God knows what not is still to come.
Maybe as we progress technologically a day will come when we will be finally be able to gain the technical know how to travel in between solar systems. Then will we will be finally able to visit our origin planet.
Sigh!
Good typing binge this one... A nice story ahs come out of it ...lol....
Rambing in the Brainz
I like typing nonsense in my blog, without bothering to edit. Why edit my thoughts? Do you? Do you dream of something and then say, No! That doesnt sound right, let me change it a little bit. Do you? No!
SO here I lie front of my pc, after spending what seems like years wasting my life wasted to no particular result. I decide, hmmm, lets keep typing fast see what my mind sputs. WIll it be gibberish, unrelated bullshit or will there be a train of thought which would make sense to anyone? I would really love to know.
This is a personal experiment to see how long I can think upon a subject without changing track or without moving a long on a tangent.
This is a blog read by no one. No one knows it exists, no one will ever know it exist, even then some randome dude, most probably some kinda software bot found this blog and posted a random comment one of my posts, I founf it quite wierd! How did it find me? My thought wander to Neo! Is Morpheus stalking me? Lol! I wish! That life sounds a hell of a lot adventurous than what my life currently is. Hmmm, where was I? Ya the random dude that landed on my blog.
I posted something about social phobia that I am going through and he replied suggesting a website I could visit. I never bothered to. In the beginning of this year I finally decided to visit a psychiatrist about it. The social Phobia! Turns out the psychologist did know what Social Phobia (SP) is...The trick he said was to find out exactly why I was feeling the way i was feeling. Breaking my fear down to emotions and words. Trying to find out the thought process that runs behind each and every emotion and though that comes to my mind when I face a social situation.
Say! I am sitting in an auditorium. Minding my own business watching a speaker speak. You know! Give a lecture on something! AT a point in time he decides to pick up random spectator and ask them questions or ask them to speak about something. Whatever! AT that point when he decided to call up a spectator, I start getting scared... nerves tingling, heart beating wildly.. flight or fight response kicking in.. and all that.
I decide to analyse what I am thinking... more properly.. what am I fearing...
1. I am afraid he will call me out and ask to to speak.
Now is this rational?. There are say... 100 people in the crowd. What makes me so sure he will pick me out? There is a 1% chance of me getting picked.. Is it a rational fear?
2. He will ask me to speak and I will make a fool out of myself.
What makes me think I would make a fool of myself. How many times in my life have I made a fool of myself when I was asked to speak publicly. WHy did that happen? Do I stammer? No. Do I speak English well, yea of couse, then what am I afraid of?
Well! WHat if he asks me something I dont know. WOnt I be looking stupid and embarassing myself? But why would I? AL I need to say is sorry I dont know and sit down.How would I be making a fool out of myself? WIll the speaker publicly humiliate me for not knowing what he wants to know? I dont think so. Then what am I afraid of? Ok.. Even if ..lets say... he ask me something and I do know the answer to the question. But somehow mind is not able to convert the answer into words.. or the words donot come out of my mouth the way i want it to .. But so what? Everyone goes through this one time or the other. WIll everyone remember the incident and laugh at me forever?
Man.. I am paranoid arent I?
The point to my fear is basically I imagine too much and unfortunately its all negative. SOme incident in my fast (which I totally dont remember) has caused me to be critical of myself and some kind of a perfectionist demon. Ya anything I say or type or write has to be perfect or I would not release it to the ether. I need to be dressed perfectly or I wont go out. My tummy is jutting out so I feel uncomfortanle to be around people.. WHats up with that?
I need to lighten up. Need not to push myself so bad that I cannot face people or situations. Its all very easy to say but yeah I need to try. I was scared of driving. Follwoed instructions to the tee, got irritated when others jumped signals whatever.. I used to terrified of overtaking,... driving at night, driving in narrow roads, paranoid of hitting someone... but with practise all of that totally disappeared... I am as cool as a cucumber now behind wheels.
So why cant I take this driving example and correct all my other fears? Practise.. practise... fucking practise...dull the fear...kill the fear till it no longer surfaces.
Hmm..the blog post has spiralled. I seem to have moved on a tangent. I started out with a random blog posted and ended up finding solutions for my phobia. Interesting.. Lets see what happens at my next attempt of non-stop-typing-without-stopping-to-think. WIll come up with a better phrase later....
Boo!
SO here I lie front of my pc, after spending what seems like years wasting my life wasted to no particular result. I decide, hmmm, lets keep typing fast see what my mind sputs. WIll it be gibberish, unrelated bullshit or will there be a train of thought which would make sense to anyone? I would really love to know.
This is a personal experiment to see how long I can think upon a subject without changing track or without moving a long on a tangent.
This is a blog read by no one. No one knows it exists, no one will ever know it exist, even then some randome dude, most probably some kinda software bot found this blog and posted a random comment one of my posts, I founf it quite wierd! How did it find me? My thought wander to Neo! Is Morpheus stalking me? Lol! I wish! That life sounds a hell of a lot adventurous than what my life currently is. Hmmm, where was I? Ya the random dude that landed on my blog.
I posted something about social phobia that I am going through and he replied suggesting a website I could visit. I never bothered to. In the beginning of this year I finally decided to visit a psychiatrist about it. The social Phobia! Turns out the psychologist did know what Social Phobia (SP) is...The trick he said was to find out exactly why I was feeling the way i was feeling. Breaking my fear down to emotions and words. Trying to find out the thought process that runs behind each and every emotion and though that comes to my mind when I face a social situation.
Say! I am sitting in an auditorium. Minding my own business watching a speaker speak. You know! Give a lecture on something! AT a point in time he decides to pick up random spectator and ask them questions or ask them to speak about something. Whatever! AT that point when he decided to call up a spectator, I start getting scared... nerves tingling, heart beating wildly.. flight or fight response kicking in.. and all that.
I decide to analyse what I am thinking... more properly.. what am I fearing...
1. I am afraid he will call me out and ask to to speak.
Now is this rational?. There are say... 100 people in the crowd. What makes me so sure he will pick me out? There is a 1% chance of me getting picked.. Is it a rational fear?
2. He will ask me to speak and I will make a fool out of myself.
What makes me think I would make a fool of myself. How many times in my life have I made a fool of myself when I was asked to speak publicly. WHy did that happen? Do I stammer? No. Do I speak English well, yea of couse, then what am I afraid of?
Well! WHat if he asks me something I dont know. WOnt I be looking stupid and embarassing myself? But why would I? AL I need to say is sorry I dont know and sit down.How would I be making a fool out of myself? WIll the speaker publicly humiliate me for not knowing what he wants to know? I dont think so. Then what am I afraid of? Ok.. Even if ..lets say... he ask me something and I do know the answer to the question. But somehow mind is not able to convert the answer into words.. or the words donot come out of my mouth the way i want it to .. But so what? Everyone goes through this one time or the other. WIll everyone remember the incident and laugh at me forever?
Man.. I am paranoid arent I?
The point to my fear is basically I imagine too much and unfortunately its all negative. SOme incident in my fast (which I totally dont remember) has caused me to be critical of myself and some kind of a perfectionist demon. Ya anything I say or type or write has to be perfect or I would not release it to the ether. I need to be dressed perfectly or I wont go out. My tummy is jutting out so I feel uncomfortanle to be around people.. WHats up with that?
I need to lighten up. Need not to push myself so bad that I cannot face people or situations. Its all very easy to say but yeah I need to try. I was scared of driving. Follwoed instructions to the tee, got irritated when others jumped signals whatever.. I used to terrified of overtaking,... driving at night, driving in narrow roads, paranoid of hitting someone... but with practise all of that totally disappeared... I am as cool as a cucumber now behind wheels.
So why cant I take this driving example and correct all my other fears? Practise.. practise... fucking practise...dull the fear...kill the fear till it no longer surfaces.
Hmm..the blog post has spiralled. I seem to have moved on a tangent. I started out with a random blog posted and ended up finding solutions for my phobia. Interesting.. Lets see what happens at my next attempt of non-stop-typing-without-stopping-to-think. WIll come up with a better phrase later....
Boo!
Monday, September 16, 2013
Are we in hell?
Ya long time since my last update, but since no ones reading who cares?
Life is pretty weird. There's a time you feel, yes now everything's settled and then the next moment something happens and your minds a wreck again. You just wonder then, what the point of life was at all. Is life just pain and mental torture. In between u get tiny breaks of peace, fun, happiness and then its back to pain.
What is hell? May be theres nothing called hell. Hell is life on earth earth with a lot of pain in ur life. You do crap, ya you go to hell, and what is hell, Oh its life on eath, a very horrible life, say you will be born in Somalia, and life a life of pain, sufferrring, disease, no food, no water, a stray bullet hits ur leg, ur handicapped, yeah! thats hell.
The whats heaven? Err.. ermmm... theres nothing called heaven. Is anyone on earth peaceful? Ya? who? The bloody yogis who sit atop mountains? Are they enjoying heaven? Who knows? The rich playboy? who had a different girl every night? Is he at peace? Is he in heaven? No. One fine day he will overdo some shit.. maybe have some drugs, may be drink and drive and then... hell..
Where on earth? what on earth is peace?
You need money to survive on earth. Even churches, temples, mosques need money to survive. No money.. no peace... ok so poor people are not at peace.. fine..
WHat about the middle class folks... Nope.. they mostly live on hand to mouth basis.. you lose your job.. you are poor... Keeping ur job is stress, maintaining a family is stress.. everything is fucking stress..
Then who? rich folks? are they at peace? Nope.. they want more money... the money that they have.. maintaining it is stress... they are not sure which person really loves them for themselves and not their money.. somebody or the other is trying to steal from them all the time.. stress.. Oh ya baby stress.. The rich have stress.. stress to look rich.. to have the latest dress.. to have the latest fashion.. to have more money than the other rich... Oh ya baby..
Then who is at peace? No one... Is that person in facebook, smiling in every picture really happy? Is he? Is she? Nope.. dig fucking deeper... You will find pain and suffering...
Ha!! Earth is pain , earth is hell, just the degree of suffering is different...
Life is pretty weird. There's a time you feel, yes now everything's settled and then the next moment something happens and your minds a wreck again. You just wonder then, what the point of life was at all. Is life just pain and mental torture. In between u get tiny breaks of peace, fun, happiness and then its back to pain.
What is hell? May be theres nothing called hell. Hell is life on earth earth with a lot of pain in ur life. You do crap, ya you go to hell, and what is hell, Oh its life on eath, a very horrible life, say you will be born in Somalia, and life a life of pain, sufferrring, disease, no food, no water, a stray bullet hits ur leg, ur handicapped, yeah! thats hell.
The whats heaven? Err.. ermmm... theres nothing called heaven. Is anyone on earth peaceful? Ya? who? The bloody yogis who sit atop mountains? Are they enjoying heaven? Who knows? The rich playboy? who had a different girl every night? Is he at peace? Is he in heaven? No. One fine day he will overdo some shit.. maybe have some drugs, may be drink and drive and then... hell..
Where on earth? what on earth is peace?
You need money to survive on earth. Even churches, temples, mosques need money to survive. No money.. no peace... ok so poor people are not at peace.. fine..
WHat about the middle class folks... Nope.. they mostly live on hand to mouth basis.. you lose your job.. you are poor... Keeping ur job is stress, maintaining a family is stress.. everything is fucking stress..
Then who? rich folks? are they at peace? Nope.. they want more money... the money that they have.. maintaining it is stress... they are not sure which person really loves them for themselves and not their money.. somebody or the other is trying to steal from them all the time.. stress.. Oh ya baby stress.. The rich have stress.. stress to look rich.. to have the latest dress.. to have the latest fashion.. to have more money than the other rich... Oh ya baby..
Then who is at peace? No one... Is that person in facebook, smiling in every picture really happy? Is he? Is she? Nope.. dig fucking deeper... You will find pain and suffering...
Ha!! Earth is pain , earth is hell, just the degree of suffering is different...
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Life........
well! its been nearly a month since i last posted a blog entry, so i am just posting another one, just be keep updating this dead blog
Me and adorable after the May 5th episode patched up, fought, patched up, fought and ptched up again. We havent fought for 3-4 days now. I dont know why we fight and i dontknow why we patch up. We must be addicted to each other.
anyways... one good news, the lok sabha elections have come up with a positive result and The congress just stormed back in to the parliament. I want to shoot the astrologer thos said Manmohan Singh has no chnace to be PM again. May be he has already shot himself, who knows... and who the fuck cares...
But the stock market has perked up and finally i am earning something from the markets.
Look at this --- Satyam - 17,000: Reliance - 15,000 and ICICI - 16,000
A cool 48,000 bucks.
I am just in shock. Anyways i hope this lasts and doesnt go back into loss. I just have to make sure i keep my cool and dont tell this to anyone. Dont want people putting anegative eye on me and me falling back in to losses. I am superstitious i know!
well, adorable had gone to phoenix in the afternoon, she said she will come to chat by 5.00 IST but hasnt yet appeared. I will let her have her fun. Why to force her na?
She is such a sweetie, that i wish good things for her. I just hope she doesnt go for a boy friend for sometime. Its beeter to cool your feelings rather than jump back into the romantic blackhole.
OK i am not being possesive, its just my opinion that she needs to relax her mind for a while.
Well... india and pakistan will face off today in a practice match just before the world T20 starting in 2 days. I am very worried about this indian team, i am very skeptical we would reach even the semis. I dont know why. But ....lets hope for the best.
ok guys.... seee ya.... next time....
Me and adorable after the May 5th episode patched up, fought, patched up, fought and ptched up again. We havent fought for 3-4 days now. I dont know why we fight and i dontknow why we patch up. We must be addicted to each other.
anyways... one good news, the lok sabha elections have come up with a positive result and The congress just stormed back in to the parliament. I want to shoot the astrologer thos said Manmohan Singh has no chnace to be PM again. May be he has already shot himself, who knows... and who the fuck cares...
But the stock market has perked up and finally i am earning something from the markets.
Look at this --- Satyam - 17,000: Reliance - 15,000 and ICICI - 16,000
A cool 48,000 bucks.
I am just in shock. Anyways i hope this lasts and doesnt go back into loss. I just have to make sure i keep my cool and dont tell this to anyone. Dont want people putting anegative eye on me and me falling back in to losses. I am superstitious i know!
well, adorable had gone to phoenix in the afternoon, she said she will come to chat by 5.00 IST but hasnt yet appeared. I will let her have her fun. Why to force her na?
She is such a sweetie, that i wish good things for her. I just hope she doesnt go for a boy friend for sometime. Its beeter to cool your feelings rather than jump back into the romantic blackhole.
OK i am not being possesive, its just my opinion that she needs to relax her mind for a while.
Well... india and pakistan will face off today in a practice match just before the world T20 starting in 2 days. I am very worried about this indian team, i am very skeptical we would reach even the semis. I dont know why. But ....lets hope for the best.
ok guys.... seee ya.... next time....
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
05th May 09, 3.42 pm
Today I spent plenty of time at Imti and Arun’s dugout, I was away from the office from 9 to 3.40, which certainly must be a new world record. My need to communicate with adorable has reduced considerably. I still miss Red though and I wonder how she is.
Well somehow I drilled it into the mind of the swiss incharge to speed up his job, somehow I was able to put my point and plan out to him without any verbal diarrhea from my side. It felt good, but I would only know tomorrow wethr my plan has succeeded or not.
Me n Imti are planning to go out to some good beach Thursday night. SO I plan to stay at Imti’s place on Wednesday evening so that we could go to Batuta’s and shop for some interesting things like swim shorts and some fashionable 3/4th’s. Lets c, we all very well know the penchant for my very well thought out plans to come to bull’s shit.
The damn ac is blowing cold wind directly to my face, no wonder I have a bad cold.
Well somehow I drilled it into the mind of the swiss incharge to speed up his job, somehow I was able to put my point and plan out to him without any verbal diarrhea from my side. It felt good, but I would only know tomorrow wethr my plan has succeeded or not.
Me n Imti are planning to go out to some good beach Thursday night. SO I plan to stay at Imti’s place on Wednesday evening so that we could go to Batuta’s and shop for some interesting things like swim shorts and some fashionable 3/4th’s. Lets c, we all very well know the penchant for my very well thought out plans to come to bull’s shit.
The damn ac is blowing cold wind directly to my face, no wonder I have a bad cold.
05th May
Well! I predicted the toss correctly, but the results were exact opposites, Mumbai lost easily, Sachin flopped. And Kolkata lost the match in the last ball.
Well, my adorable hasn’t mailed/messaged me since the spat, neither hav I coz of social anxiety or ego… but more due to the anxiety. I feel sad about it, but as adorable said…. “all relationships have an expiry date”, I guess its time to move on.
I have no confidence in doing my job at all, I think the company would be better off kicking me out of this project. They could find someone more worthy of doing this job. I am totally wasting everyone’s time over here. Neither am I trying to learn anything, nor I am doing any work. I am just passing the days. I feel so guilty and humiliated… coz of the phobia of course. Wat am I ever gonna do in my life?
Shaadi se bhi dar laghta hai re, biwi kya sochegi, kaise choot ke dhakkan se shaadi kiya hai maine, I just wish I get a top class psychiatrist as a wife. But do dreams ever come true dost?
Anyways, I am waiting for Imti’s boss to stop his meeting so I can get his room key from him. I will have a look in Al Swiss’s painting shop n then I will go to the dug out. In the afternoon I will go to GPRS and check out the remaining structure and add it to my report.
Adorable is so young and so alive, I don’t think I can match her at any positive level. I feel really worthless. May be the spat was good for her so she could get rid of a good for nothing like me.
I only have this job coz of luck, other wise I wud easily be jobless at home in dreamy land.
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And I just cannot give up cigs, they don’t do anything for me, I wonder y I even smoke, but I am just tryin to justify a reason not to speak to adorable. I don’t want myself in her life, I am poison, and she is life. I am not going anywhere near her, may she have a great life.
I do feel like communicatin with her , then I think of the cigs and then I stop trying…. So basically it’s a circle…. I smoke so that I cant communicate with her, and I cant communicate with her coz I am smoking. I am really a confused idiot.
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I am wondering… shall I impose my self on the Swiss and make them speed up the job, or should I as usual just… let it be. I need these guys to pick up speed so that I can relax and my job out here lasts longer, but… I don’t know…. The phobia is preventing me from doing anything….
Will someone please change my brain software and delete the malicious virus called social phobia from my mind? I cannot live like this.
I am 29, I have survived till here, I should be happy that I am alive, but I aint.
Oh its very simple, almost all my Nitte classmates are doing much much better than me. My own younger brother is doing awesome in Australia and I am stuck in the gulf! My bro… God bless him has a great opportunity to go to the UK if his present employers just let him go.
I just want to put my foot on US, UK, Europe and Australian soil, just for the heck of it so I could say that I have been there done that…. That would soothe my nerves I am sure. At lease I hope it does.
So I have added another few wishes to my monstrously huge list. Set foot on US, UK, Aussie and European soil. Go on a visit visa, do something u didiot :D
After all this… Japan , China, Thailand… South America… my mouth is watering ya AMIGO!!!!
Yehahahaha, I feel better dreaming now…. Let the dreams continue……
Aaah Imti’s free… will take the dug out key’s and rush off…. See yaaa
Well, my adorable hasn’t mailed/messaged me since the spat, neither hav I coz of social anxiety or ego… but more due to the anxiety. I feel sad about it, but as adorable said…. “all relationships have an expiry date”, I guess its time to move on.
I have no confidence in doing my job at all, I think the company would be better off kicking me out of this project. They could find someone more worthy of doing this job. I am totally wasting everyone’s time over here. Neither am I trying to learn anything, nor I am doing any work. I am just passing the days. I feel so guilty and humiliated… coz of the phobia of course. Wat am I ever gonna do in my life?
Shaadi se bhi dar laghta hai re, biwi kya sochegi, kaise choot ke dhakkan se shaadi kiya hai maine, I just wish I get a top class psychiatrist as a wife. But do dreams ever come true dost?
Anyways, I am waiting for Imti’s boss to stop his meeting so I can get his room key from him. I will have a look in Al Swiss’s painting shop n then I will go to the dug out. In the afternoon I will go to GPRS and check out the remaining structure and add it to my report.
Adorable is so young and so alive, I don’t think I can match her at any positive level. I feel really worthless. May be the spat was good for her so she could get rid of a good for nothing like me.
I only have this job coz of luck, other wise I wud easily be jobless at home in dreamy land.
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And I just cannot give up cigs, they don’t do anything for me, I wonder y I even smoke, but I am just tryin to justify a reason not to speak to adorable. I don’t want myself in her life, I am poison, and she is life. I am not going anywhere near her, may she have a great life.
I do feel like communicatin with her , then I think of the cigs and then I stop trying…. So basically it’s a circle…. I smoke so that I cant communicate with her, and I cant communicate with her coz I am smoking. I am really a confused idiot.
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I am wondering… shall I impose my self on the Swiss and make them speed up the job, or should I as usual just… let it be. I need these guys to pick up speed so that I can relax and my job out here lasts longer, but… I don’t know…. The phobia is preventing me from doing anything….
Will someone please change my brain software and delete the malicious virus called social phobia from my mind? I cannot live like this.
I am 29, I have survived till here, I should be happy that I am alive, but I aint.
Oh its very simple, almost all my Nitte classmates are doing much much better than me. My own younger brother is doing awesome in Australia and I am stuck in the gulf! My bro… God bless him has a great opportunity to go to the UK if his present employers just let him go.
I just want to put my foot on US, UK, Europe and Australian soil, just for the heck of it so I could say that I have been there done that…. That would soothe my nerves I am sure. At lease I hope it does.
So I have added another few wishes to my monstrously huge list. Set foot on US, UK, Aussie and European soil. Go on a visit visa, do something u didiot :D
After all this… Japan , China, Thailand… South America… my mouth is watering ya AMIGO!!!!
Yehahahaha, I feel better dreaming now…. Let the dreams continue……
Aaah Imti’s free… will take the dug out key’s and rush off…. See yaaa
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